The Phoenix (thepheenixeyri) wrote,
The Phoenix

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lots of these, so bear with me.

good ones, these. I'm cutting them because there are a lot of them.

You Know You're From Florida When...

You own at least five pairs of flip flops

You know someone who's been struck by lightning

You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators

Your backyard is sometimes a swamp

You're officially sick of Disney

You shrug off hurricane warnings

You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos

There are only two seasons - hot and hotter

You've drank a flaming alligator.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Florida.

You Know You're From Key West When...

You realize there are far more Rainbow flags in the city than United States Flags.

Old friends you haven't talked to in years suddenly call to ask if you have a spare bedroom for Fantasy Fest.

A really great parking spot can move you to tears.

You go to your office manager's baby shower - the parent's are named Judy and Becky.

Street people greet you by your first name.

You go into a fancy restaurant and have to feed the chickens at your garden table before you can get enough peace to begin your own meal.

People actually have the occupation of holding up a PARKING sign on Duval Street.

Your parents, brother, sisters, aunts, and uncles all live on the same block.

You go into a bar and find more dogs than people.

You curse those damn tourists, but always stop to help a cute woman who is looking puzzled at a city map.

It's tourist season but they still won't let you shoot them.

You think anyone who owns a car is decadent.

You realize that you live in a city where taxes are ludicrously high and you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried
on a commercial airline flight.

You wake up physically drained and realize that you don't have a disease, you just live in Key West.

You think of your favorite bartender as your investment banker.

You and your co-workers have Cuban bread and Bucci for breakfast.

You know the difference between real and fake Key Lime Pie.

The Crime report is a source of daily entertainment.

You know where Jimmy Buffett lives.

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station about "HURRICANE WATCH 2004."

If it's 60 degrees F, you break out the fur coat and space heaters.

Your power goes off before you finish reading thi.....

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Key West.

This following one is sooo damned wrong!!! Sorry to those who may be reading who are from Miami

You Know You're From Miami When...

The police shoot you for pointing a "walkman" radio at anybody.

The police shoot you 27 times for putting your hand in a sock and waving it at everybody.

The police draw their weapons and shoot someone with a red dot laser pointing device, (even if it's not mounted atop a gun).

The police shoot you for pointing a water-pistol at them.

The police rear-end your car and give you a ticket for going too slow.

You rent a car and the first toll you pay is to the thief waiting around the corner.

You rent a car, ask someone for directions, then get mugged.

You rent a car, get on the expressway and get shot for passing somebody.

You exit the expressway downtown and someone forces you to pay them for cleaning your clean windshield.

You check into a Hotel, call room service and have someone answer, "Ju espeek Espanis"?

You ask someone for directions and they reply, "parlez vous frances" in Spanish.

You go downtown and buy a great camera for $99, then discover that you must pay at least another $1,000 for the rest of it.

You pay the extra $1,000 then get home and find a little sticker on the underside that reads "refurbished".

You hail a cab and ask to be taken to an American restaurant and the driver just stares at you.

You sail away on a starlight cruise and it rains all night.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Miami.

And...half of this stuff I don't even know and Iwas in Indyana for almost twenty years...bad, bad, bad me!!!!!!

You Know You're From Indiana When...

You drive for three hours and the scenery outside doesn't change.

There's three feet of snow on the ground and school is still in session.

You only go to the mall once a year 'cause it takes too long to get there.

While driving all you see is corn.

People still have Christmas decorations up at Easter.

You start saying to yourself "More than corn in Indiana my butt."

Anyone with a cell phone looks out of place.

Walking through Wal-Mart with two carts full of kids is normal.

Wnyone with a tan is rich.

The hip hang-out place is McDonald's.

There really is more than corn in Indiana. There�s soybeans, too.

When you plan an orgy and a Euchre game breaks out.

A restaurant has an invisible wall in the non-smoking section and you believe it works.

Speeding consists of 2 miles over the speed limit.

You think you don't have to use a turn signal on your car because you don't use it on your tractor.

You build your dream house on a cornfield, and you considered it posh.

You warsh your clothes and you think George Warshington was the first president.

You're proud to be called a Hoosier, even if you don't know what one is.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute"

Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second.

You can stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off, and then
have the strength to play a couple of games of hoops all in the same day.

You say things like "catty-wumpus" and "kitty-corner".

You own a dirtbike or a ATV.

You live in a city ... and there's a cornfield in your backyard.

High school basketball game draws a bigger crowd on the weekend nights than movie theaters.

You can see at least 2 basketball hoops from your yard.

You can name every one of Bob Knight's "exploits" over the last few years.

You shop at Marsh.

Damon Bailey was your childhood hero.

The biggest question of your youth was "IU or Purdue?"

Indianapolis is the "big city".

"Getting caught by a train" is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.

People at your high school chewed tobacco.

Everyone knows who the town cop is, where he lives, and whether he is at home or on duty.

You actually know what the CART vs IRL debate is about and have taken a side.

To you, a raccoon is simply a "coon".

The vehicle of choice in your area is not a car, but a pickup.

Someone you know is BIG John Mellencamp fan.

You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival.

To you, a tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty,
breaded piece of pork served on a bun with pickles.

You call a green bell pepper a "mango".

Sometimes, you call the toilet the "commode" or the "stool".

In the fall, one of your favorite pranks was corning cars.

You know what FFA and 4H stand for.

You know what chip-and-seal is, and your high school was located on just such a road.

You go the county fair every night of it's week-long duration.

You can say "French Lick" without laughing out loud.

There's actually a college near you named "Ball State."

The last "g" is silent in any word ending in "ing."

You think the state Bird is Larry.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Indiana.

I thought these were kind of cool, though so there we are.

The Phoenix
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