The Phoenix (thepheenixeyri) wrote,
The Phoenix

lj idol week 8: Reprobate

My mother. Reprobate (Used as "strong disapproval")and worry. Those should be her names. Perhaps it is an overexaggeration, but I sometimes feel as I will not be free of her influences. Even if I leave the house; she will always reprobate me for something.

"Do you have any normal friends?" my mother (while writing in car about two or three years back)

No, I don't. I have friends who are multiple, who are straight, who are bisexual, who are gender nutral. I once had a friend who was a true genetic hermaphrodite. She was born masculine, but preferred the female pronouns. I have friends who do things that certain societies deem inappropriate. I have friends that are considered the dregs of society. I have people around me who say nothing at all verbally, yet who are able to tell me by one simple thought that they know, they understand; they care. I have people who do things that may well creep others out; but what they do doesn't, and really has never, bothered me.
I have friends whom I've never met in person, yet are some of the most trusted friends I have, and in converse, I have real life friends who have migrated to mostly being on the internet and serve the same capacity as those whom I've only met and interacted with online. I have old friends from high school; and friends who I've only had for months and are already nearly as close as family.

I have friends who are stay at home moms; who are work-a-holics; who are writers, both published and non (RP writing ftw). I have a family who have things they do behind closed doors that no one sees and that only few people know about. I have people who see things differently and who are opinionated and blunt. I have friends who some would consider vapid and airheaded, yet underneath that exterior they are some of the most intelligent people you could ever meet.

I have friends who I am told look scary as hell, yet are the teddy-bears in their families; people who look intimidating don't bother me; you se...I can'tsee them. I can feel them, sense them behind me, around me, but appearances sometimes slide by me to the point where I get to know the person by the "personality" not the physical (Note the "physical") appearance. I have people around me who visit only once a year yet are those whom I would trust with many of my secrets. I have friends who are from England, who are from Australia; my flist here is a global village, and I like it that way.

I have friends who are disabled; who see the world differently because their minds work differently. Some people would call them retarded; I call them mentally challenged. I have people on this friends list who are from all walks of life; some of them live on the streets and cling to each other as family because it is nearly all they have; some are much more well off to the point of being wealthy. Others are somewhere in the middle, and don't all.

I have white friends, black friends, Native American friends. I have friends who are of mixed race and herritage and manage to balance them beautifully. I have friends who are musicians; friends who are only that in their minds. I have friends who sneak out from conflicts, other friends who face conflict without flinching. Others who enjoy a conflict and milk it...

I have friends from all spiritual backgrounds, pagan, Christian, atheist...I have friends who believe everything (And I do mean everything) has a spirit.

I could go on and on about my friends. both here and elsewhere. I have friends whose skills are highly prised, and friends who only need to walk into my head, and immediately I feel better, less alone. Less afraid. Even if the feeling is nonphysical, just knowing someone is *somewhere* near by is a help at times. The warmth is...palpable. so very palpable.

But if Mom knew every friend I had she would express reprobate to the point of rage. To the point where I wouldn't put it past her to do everything she could to keep me from being around or near them. She'd tell me my multiple friends were crazy; she'd say that those who live on the streets don't try hard enough. She'd say that those who do things society says are wrong or inappropriate should be put where they can't do those things...or be taught not to and live by society's rules. If they couldn't they deserved what they were given. She says that gays are not normal (Not so much anymore, but still sometimes) She is caught up in what the media portrays; caught up in what she thinks, she believes, she feels, normality is.

She'd say that many of my tall, built friends who have eyes that bore into you "look scarry/look like someone I don't want around you." Regardless of the fact that I've known some of them for years now...

Hell, it was bad enough when she found out about my friends Doreen and Aerika; Doreen was a lesbien; Aerika the hermaphrodite.

"Normal friends?" No, no normal friends. Just unique ones. Normal, dear mother, is a cycle on a washing machine. Nothing more. Thank you, have a good day.

My friends are *mine* not hers. If she wants to reprobate me for them, so be it. It only means that I will become closer to them because I will spend less time with *her* as terrible as that sounds. My friends are the family I choose; when I choose, I care about you. And...I never stop caring. Ever.

This entry was written for therealljidol for the topic: Reprobate. Thank you for reading.
Tags: lj idol week 8, lji s6
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