The Phoenix (thepheenixeyri) wrote,
The Phoenix
thepheenixeyri

talk about...winning!

"You're still awake, Sarah Have you been up all night?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I can be."
A little sigh and a leaving of the mother.

We were talking this morning and she said that she could come in and disconnect me because she could, but it still doesn't make it right. That was because of the "smart allick comment" I gave her last night. I don't think she would have noticed except for my cordless decided to die and I was stuck on a corded phone over here by the computer, which made her think I was on the computer, and not on the phone as I actually was.

The fact that she would even consider disconnecting me makes me nervous. She is still treating me like a child by insinuating that being up all night isn't right. I want out...yesterday. This is why I love being at college.

They were also asking if I had put all the efffort I could into my classes last semester because I got B's and a C. The same amount of effort I did up in Indiana. I can honestly say I did, Math, as we all know takes a lot. Sure, I did procrastinate, especially toward the end, and I sort of blew off a quiz, but I really don't think that affected me too much. and I got a B- in lit class, which the mother said was bad. Hey, at least it wasn't a C...and at least my grade point is still a 3.21. They're saying that I'm supposed to be bringing it up, not down. Sure, I agree, grades are important, but damn it, can't I do anything right?I'm beginning to think not. And people, (especially the parents) wonder why I get depressed when I come home for the summer? Hmmm...let me think!

I'm seriously about to scream. This whole week has been nothing but criticism, how my room looks, my grades, my appearance, bitching from the mother about the father. I feel like every time I come home for the summer all my entries are the same, depressed, bichy rants that no one should have to deal with. Or a combination of extremely depressed one day to extremely hyper the next, and no inbetween. I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster, it's not fun in the least. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, and they do do good things, it's just I'm tired of being shot at at every turn. I can honestly say I did do my best in school, even though I was on the phone a lot. Part of it was the disabilities office, too, which we won't go into again. But every time I tried to tell the teachers, someone was like...what's this? OK we'll get on it...and then they emailed one of my teachers when he told them I didn't have the proper information, and they said that I had the chapters in required order, and there was no way I shouldn't be able to perform the exam...not! The only reason I had the information was because one of the students in the class was nice enough to tape the chapter for me. It was the only way I could even do my homework.

So some of it wasn't my fault, either, but sometimes I think that the parents forget that I am not the only one responsible for the materials for my classes and that some of the people who are supposed to be responsible for them aren't very good at being that way. No offense to the readers, but sometimesI wish she would use outside readers,. ones that aren't students at FGCU. Maybe she does, and I don't know, but I think it would make it easier on all involved. Also...I may email her and see about suggesting ebooks. Thanks to rnb_capricorn for that little suggestion.It would, as she said, make a lot less work for her because she wouldn't have to find readers for the books. It could work the same way as the tapes, just return the disks to her and she can keep them in a folder or something.

I'm just tired of not being good enough in the parents' eyes, and it looks to be tat I will never be that way.

The Phoenix
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